I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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