He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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