Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
