Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize