Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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