Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
