I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
