Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
