His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
