I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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