just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
