i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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