youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
