I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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