The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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