Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
