just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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