I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize