It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
