I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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