is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
