He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize