if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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