We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
