so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
