Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
