I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I look excited, but its just a facade.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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