my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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