Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
