Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
