We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
