I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
