And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
