used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
