You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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