To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You are a genius and a whore.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
