he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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