do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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