You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
