I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
