my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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