he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
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Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
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I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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