i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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