im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
