I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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