batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
