it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
