:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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