Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
