it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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