I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
