I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
