So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
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He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize