according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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