I can tuck mytits in my pants
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
