you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
