anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
