I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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